In Which I Pretend to Be Marco Rubio

by Pejman Yousefzadeh on November 21, 2012

Let’s say that I were in Senator Marco Rubio’s place, and I were asked how old the Earth is. I would like to think that my answer would be the following:

The Earth is approximately 4.54 billion years old. The science on that is as close to a dead-bang certainty as you get in this business. And now that I finished answering your question, dear reporter, let me ask you some in turn: Why is it that you and your lot rarely ask these questions of Democrats? After all, they have been known to give some entertaining answers as well. Why, here’s a rare Q&A on the issue involving Barack Obama from 2008:

Q: Senator, if one of your daughters asked you—and maybe they already have—“Daddy, did god really create the world in 6 days?,” what would you say?

A: What I’ve said to them is that I believe that God created the universe and that the six days in the Bible may not be six days as we understand it … it may not be 24-hour days, and that’s what I believe. I know there’s always a debate between those who read the Bible literally and those who don’t, and I think it’s a legitimate debate within the Christian community of which I’m a part. My belief is that the story that the Bible tells about God creating this magnificent Earth on which we live—that is essentially true, that is fundamentally true. Now, whether it happened exactly as we might understand it reading the text of the Bible: That, I don’t presume to know.

Just out of curiosity, dear reporter, why didn’t more of your fellow members of the media get on then-Senator Obama’s case for that answer? Was it because he is not and never has been a Republican?

Speaking of “things that make you go ‘hmmm,’” why didn’t more people get on Barack Obama’s case for this?

“We’ve seen just a skyrocketing autism rate. Some people are suspicious that it’s connected to the vaccines. This person included. The science right now is inconclusive, but we have to research it.”

Of course, the science on the issue is very conclusive, and it makes clear that there is no connection between vaccines and autism. And the consequences for suggesting otherwise would be positively disastrous.

Finally, dear reporter, perhaps you might be kind enough to take on, call out, and shame by name all of the ridiculous, hackish blogs on the left that hoot and holler if a Republican says something wrong on the issue of science, but are dead silent when Democrats match Republicans wrong answer for wrong answer. I mean, it occasionally is part of your job to point out that other segments of the media are making buffoons out of themselves. Isn’t it?

  • alanhenderson

    I would have given this answer: “The current estimate is 4.5 billion years. I’m not absolutely certain how the scientists got that figure, but I imagine that measuring the rate of continental drift has a lot to do with it – at least for the portion of the Earth’s history when the planet was solid enough to even have continents. I know nothing about how they calculate the age of the earth before that point. What I do know is that the tectonic plates have shown no measurable movement during recorded human history, and based on fossil evidence what are now South America and Africa used to be adjacent to each other. The 4.5-billion-year estimate could be off for all I know, but Earth is older than humanity by orders of magnitude.”

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