Specifically, there was no game in which the offense let the Bears down against the Green Bay Packers, the Bears’ hated and despicable rivals. There was no game in which the Bears’ defense put together an overall creditable and admirable effort, but still woke up too late after having surrendered two touchdowns in the first half. There was no game in which the Bears had to suffer the humiliation of losing the NFC Championship to the loathsome Packers on the Bears’ own home field, and had to endure the indignity of watching the Packers hoist a trophy named after the greatest of the Bears in front of the Bears players, and Chicago fans. There was no game in which the Packers got to celebrate an upcoming trip to the Super Bowl in Chicago, while Chicagoans were forced to watch their enemies (yes, I used that word deliberately) revel in their fortune, and in the misfortune of the Bears and their fans.
To the extent that you have been led to believe that there was a Bears game today that unfolded as described above, the staff here at A Chequer-Board of Nights and Days wishes to apologize wholeheartedly for having caused you to labor under any misapprehensions. If you will just be kind enough to take a particular blue pill we have available for you, you can forget any lingering memories to the effect that a football-related disaster inflicted itself upon Chicago this day.
(Postscript: Go Pittsburgh.)